When I was growing up, I had this whole idea in my brain about the moment I’d all of a sudden be able to qualify as a “Woman of God”. I’d probably be a young, married woman with a little baby on the way. I’d live in a beautiful house with a giant kitchen that my husband would use and I’d be working in the ministry, leading small groups, and teaching young people about the goodness of God. I’d be so connected spiritually with God that hearing from Him would be a breeze and my prayer life would be absolutely PERFECTED.
That was the idea, anyway.
I’m 23 now, sitting on the floor at my friends’ house with my cup of coffee and my planner laid out before me, because I didn’t want to get snowed in at home. Currently I live in a studio apartment where I can see the entire thing all at once if I sit right in the middle of my bed and I’m definitely not married or with child, though I do have a pretty cute cat-child. I don’t have a perfect prayer life, although I work on that daily and I spend time with Jesus, asking Him questions about how to perfect that part of myself. I do work in the ministry, but not at all in the same area of where my brain put me when I was younger.
Things are different than what I thought, but aren’t they always?
As a music student, I was trained to practice singing or playing whatever piece I’m learning at the tempo it’s written in and not just to “think through the piece” to rehearse. Our brains naturally go through it way faster than how it’s supposed to be. If you just “think through” everything, you’ll perform it as you thought and then it will mess with your performance.
I think life is a little bit like that. We live at a tempo. God planned things out for a certain rhythm and He created this sort of “song” for us to fit into. But because I have a plan of my own and have “rehearsed this plan in my head”, my brain thinks through it way faster than the metaphoric “song of Sena’s life” tempo. If that makes sense.
Sometimes thinking ahead can truly create a huge disadvantage for one’s life and heart. I say this because for a while, when I looked at my life and saw that I wasn’t where I thought I needed to be and I didn’t (in my own mind) qualify to be a proper “Woman of God”, I was angry with myself and fell into comparison, or as we all should call it, the thief of joy.
Lately, the Lord has been reminding me that being “unfinished” is not a failure. He reminds me that even if I were married to a Godly guy with a baby in a big house and ministering in a whole new capacity, I’d still be working and striving towards something even greater. My song will never be finished until I set foot into Heaven and even then, I believe I’ll have an eternity to learn more about the glory of God and His matchless, wonderful plan. Just like with singing through an aria, I can’t go any faster than what is written by the composer because I’ll mess myself up and I’ll make my accompanist roll their eyes at me. We have to understand that in our search for what God has for our lives and in our continual pursuit of obedience and righteousness, His plan will come to fruition right when it needs to, right on time. At the right tempo.
And often, our plan looks absolutely nothing like the plan God has for us, but His plan is ALWAYS BETTER. Every time. This is why thinking ahead is dangerous and disappointing – because so often, we are thinking ahead to a time that isn’t anything like God planned for. When we seek Him daily and diligently, His plan begins to unfold into the most intricate piece of music.
You were thinking out a solo, a capella song. He’s creating a symphony.
Dear reader, I want you to know that where you’re currently at is a perfect place to meet God. It’s the perfect place to step into being the righteousness that He called you to be and to come in line with His Word and His perfect plan. The moment you choose to be obedient to Him and diligently seek Him with your entire being, you are right on track, regardless of where your teeny, human brain tells you to be.
Give it up. Give up your comparisons, your lists, your step-by-step plans of how to get where you’re supposed to be and give it to Jesus. Let Him lead you EVERY day. Ask Him every question, seek Him for every step.
I have a friend who said, “in every piece of music, the composer writes exactly what he wants and if we just follow what the music says, it’ll make us great musicians.”
Keep going, keep listening, and keep seeking Him because He has the answer for every question.