Okay, as far as relationships with human boys go, I’m as single as a Kraft slice of cheese. But what really does “single” mean, anyway?
As far as individual things or people go, that’s me. I’m single. But on my way to my apartment yesterday, I began thinking about what single really is. I think we’ve all experienced the struggle of how much weight people put on having a person to come home to.
We all know it’s what Millennials and Gen Y people call “cuffing season”. I had to explain it to my mom the other day as “the season when people want to hold hands because it’s cold”. We all want someone to be all warm and cozy with and share thoughts and popcorn with. It’s the season to avoid feeling lonely.
I’ll be honest with you and say that when I initially began preparing to live on my own, I began to fear loneliness. I began to envision myself crying on my living room floor, smashing a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, all while listening to Celine Dion’s “All By Myself” play loudly enough for my upstairs neighbors to start stomping at me to shut up. I know it sounds incredibly specific and dramatic (because, duh, it is), but I was fearing the thought of being alone. Fearing the thought of being…all by myself.
As those fears began to come up inside of me, a flood of scripture came back at me. For God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power and of love, and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). Though I walk in the midst of trouble, [He] will revive me; [His] right hand will save me. [He] will perfect that which concerns me (Psalm 138:7-8). [I will] be of good courage, and He shall strengthen [my] heart, [I] hope in the Lord (Psalm 31:23). How precious also are [His] thoughts to me, how great is the sum of them! When I am awake, I am still with [Him] (Psalm 139:17-18).
Not only will He revive me if I ever feel lonely, He will be there with me! He said He’d never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). I can be strong and courageous because He is who goes on with me (Deuteronomy 31:6). I don’t have to fear loneliness because [He] is with me. I don’t have to be dismayed because [He] is my God. [He] will strengthen me and help me and uphold me with his right hand (Isaiah 41:10).
I understand the feeling of wanting a tangible person right by my side at all times. I’m pretty clingy and require hugs from pretty much every person I’ve ever met. I understand the feeling of sadness and fear and loneliness. I used to regularly have “wallowing days” where I’d get chocolate and think myself into the “single blues”. But in my walk towards becoming a woman of God (a title that I am aspiring to be with every fiber of my being), I’ve learned that feelings don’t matter. It’s not that God doesn’t care about my feelings, it’s just that I should never be led by them. I have to speak to uncertainty with words of decisiveness. I have to actively decide to trust God and decide to let Him be a part of my every moment and my every thought.
So really, I concluded (as you can tell from my click-bait-y title), I’m not really single anymore. No, I’m not going to change my relationship status on Facebook to “In a relationship with Jesus” because no. 1. I’m not talking about singleness in the sense of a relationship and 2. I’m not 11.
I’m an individual person with an incredible God who supersedes feelings. I will always be an individual person with the same God regardless of whether I’m “in a relationship” or not. Let’s face it, loneliness doesn’t discriminate based on relationship status. I was at my loneliest when I sitting next to a boy I was in love with because I’d ignored my truest, most pure identity within the love of Christ.
I’m never actually alone and I don’t have to claim that I’m “all by myself”. I don’t have to sit on my living room floor and cry about how I have no one to talk to, because in all reality, I do. I have the savior of the world on my side and He is more than willing to spend time with me.
Isn’t He so good?
If you’re reading this and thinking, “There goes Sena. Being so cheesy about her relationship with Jesus again.” Wouldn’t you rather be cheesy and joyful and in love with Jesus than depressed and lonely and constantly spending copious amounts of money on icecream?
So whether you’re single, in a new relationship, married, or a cat-parent, you don’t have to be lonely. Acknowledge that loneliness exists and then actively decide to trust Jesus. He won’t let you down. He just wont. It’s not in His nature to let His children down. Read His words. His words are words of truth, love, peace, joy, and comfort. Anything that conflicts with that isn’t from Him.
Have a joyful, love-filled day! I know I will!