Marriage: The Truth

“Mawwiageeee. Mawwiage is what bwings us togevva today.”

If you don’t know where the above quote is from, you need to educate yourself on what I would consider to be “comic cinema genius”. (Aka watch Princess Bride and then watch it AGAIN because it is just that good). Also, this blog post is going to include some things I’ve previously discussed on my Facebook so even if you think, “this doesn’t apply to me anymore because that was SO yesterday…” Read on. There could be something new for you to grab onto.

I’m going to be really raw right now (unusual, I know) and give you some thoughts that may or may not apply. I think since they hit me in the heart (and kind of punched me in the face), they might hit someone else. Maybe it’s needed.

So, the topic on my mind today is marriage. I have always been one of those girls who planned their wedding when they were like 2 and a half years old, started praying and writing letters to my future husband when I was 7 (cliche, I know…I still do it), and when I eventually was in a relationship, I put my all into it thinking, MAYBE, FINALLY, this could be him. This could be the one I’ve been waiting for.

To quote the young Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana, “this could be the one”.

I was always the “girl who always has a boyfriend” and this began when I was 14. I’d been looking for my husband since I was a teenager.

But somehow, none of these relationships ever ended quite right (do break-ups ever really feel “quite right”?) and I was left feeling like it was hopeless. Wondering where this husband was that I felt like God had for me all this time, that would love me the way I needed. I dated pretty much every kind of guy. I dated a few guys in high school that were of course nice but ultimately either too immature or maybe I was the immature one. So when we inevitably broke up, then I decided that THE NEXT ONE would be my future husband.

There was a next one and he almost was my husband. I got engaged at the sweet age of 19. I felt on top of the world because I FINALLY found him and I had the ring on my finger to prove it. 

But you know how sometimes things just aren’t the way you think they’re supposed to be and life kind of smacks you upside the head? That happened to me. It ended a few months into the engagement and I was left absolutely heartbroken. I was the hopeless romantic that everyone talks about. You know. The girl who’s “always the bridesmaid, never the bride”.

Maybe that’s you; or maybe that’s at least how you feel. Maybe you’re asking yourself, “Where’s this perfect guy at?” I wondered why no one could love me in my complete form. Why no one could be as selfless with me as I wanted to be with them. Why did I feel like I had to be so vulnerable with every guy that I dated when it was only going to end in heartbreak? I knew I wasn’t perfect and I’d made mistakes but why couldn’t anyone love me regardless? So I gave up. I began to think that the love I craved wasn’t a reality. That it was a movie theater love and that I was never going to be able to find someone who could love me “the way Jesus does”. I wasn’t worth it to anyone.

But in in a conversation with one of my dearest friends, she said something that I don’t think I ever COULD forget, even though, I’ll admit, I wanted to. She said, “God didn’t ever promise us future husbands in His Word.” Woah. Not what I wanted to hear. It literally made my heart hurt to hear those words especially knowing how true they are. I had been searching my entire life for a husband. What did she mean by this?

Even though He didn’t promise me a husband, He DID promise me that I would be a bride. His bride. He promised to love me unconditionally. Even the parts of me that no human could ever love. He promised that when He sent Jesus to die on the cross to save me, to carry my burdens, to heal my body and my broken heart. In Revelation, when Jesus comes back, He will come back like a bridegroom seeking His bride. Me. Us. The Church. THAT’S how He loves. Unconditionally, without boundaries. I remember one time sitting in my car wondering about marriage and what it entails and it was almost as if God spoke directly to my heart and said, “Sena. be in a relationship WITH ME. Let ME fulfill you.” And I think that’s something we all have to do – we all have to kind of give in and say, “yeah, okay, God. Fulfill me.” That doesn’t mean it’s not hard, that it doesn’t hurt, and it doesn’t mean that God DOESN’T have husbands or wives for us but it does mean that HE wants to be our goal, not marriage. I think we’ve made marriage this kind of idol that we worship when things become lonely, scary, or tough. At least I know I have.

But marriage doesn’t save you from your sins or heal you when you’re sick. Marriage doesn’t stretch out and die on a cross so that you can live eternally. Marriage, even though it should, doesn’t even love unconditionally, which is evident by divorce rates skyrocketing.

Marriage is not the answer to a hurting heart. Jesus is.

{If you ever find yourself struggling with either feeling worthy of human love or even worthy of God’s love, read John 14:27 and 15:9. Jesus says this to His disciples because He’s planning on leaving them, but I believe He would also say this to us. He loves us just the same way He loved them. Jesus loves you deeper than any person (including any boy) could love you. You are worth it because Jesus made you worth it.}

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid…As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.”


[Featured Image by Alisa Anton on Unsplash]

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