Blogging for me is a lot like ziplining.
The night before my very first zipline experience, I was laying in my bed laughing to myself and Jesus that people kept telling me I should be a blogger. I had a couple of Facebook comments on a status about a centipede saying I should write, my mom told me I should blog after I wrote something about marriage, and people regularly come up to me to tell me how much they like my funny stories about my life (which usually include a bug, snake, or other woodland creature).
“Isn’t that so funny? I don’t want to blog. EVERYONE blogs.” When I thought that, my heart stopped. It was like I was being harnessed up to zipline for the first time.
“You’re a blogger.” That’s what He said to me. For the next HOUR as I laid in bed trying to get some sleep before waking up to go on my newest adventure, I wrestled and argued with God. I didn’t want to seem like a follower. I didn’t want to be so vulnerable with people, especially people I don’t even know. I didn’t want to be a blogger.
So, after all the wrestling, google searching, and praying, I said, “Okay, God. I’ll be… I am a blogger now. So now what? If this is what you want from me, you’re going to have to help me.”
I was honestly so shocked that this is what it felt like God was saying to me. I DON’T WRITE. I SING. When people look at me, they don’t think, “Oh yeah, Sena’s that girl that writes really well.” No. They think, “Yeah, she sings opera. Let’s try and get her to sign up for the next musical. We need a soprano.” I’m a SINGER.
But I guess God wanted to form something new in me. (Shocker, am I right?)
The next day, I was going ziplining. I woke up early in the morning, sat down with my cup of coffee, remembered my conversation with Jesus and kind of chuckled to myself. I was getting ready to go on this adventure that I’ve always wanted to go on. I’m an adrenaline junkie. I love to be able to say I did certain things. I love exploring and making myself uncomfortable. If this means jumping off of a tower and ziplining over the treetops, then that’s what I’m going to do.
And this is what blogging was doing to me as well. I was so uncomfortable with looking like a follower and dealing with the fear of everyone seeing the raw side of me that I almost decided to metaphorically climb back down the stairs of discomfort and leave that tower behind. The more I thought about how afraid I was to look like a follower, the more I realized I really shouldn’t have that fear at all. I am a follower. I’m a follower of Jesus and when He tells me to do something that makesme uncomfortable, you bet I’m going to do it. It’s either that or be disobedient and if you’ve read any of the Old Testament, we know that’s not a great idea.
After praying and dealing with my own heart, I remembered several occasions in my childhood where I would just write. I would write my feelings, my heart, my problems, but mostly I would write about how everything connected to Jesus. I would write about an issue with a boyfriend but end whatever journal entry on the thought that if all else failed, Christ is my redeemer. And I have always wanted to share these thoughts with those I love. My Facebook has always been clouded with funny “Updates from The Dale” ‘articles’ or long drawn out posts about my feelings on a certain topic or another. So it was as if I was being reminded that I’ve always been a blogger. I’ve always been a writer. I’ve always been honest, open, and raw. It’s just that this tower is a little taller and this zip is a little steeper.
I don’t know where God wants me to take this and I’m not really sure what I’m doing. That said, I do know with everything inside of me that He will guide me. He will teach me and show me where to go from here.
I didn’t want to be a blogger. But here I am.